Wednesday, May 4, 2011
'Ello Deerie
It's the beginning of a whole new me. I woke up this morning at 6am. I looked outside my window and there were two deer grazing. It's a promise.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Untitled
Mothers crying, sisters weeping, wives waiting.
Fathers pacing, brothers worrying,
hope being strung thin as wire and brittle as bones.
Babies wailing – yearning for love’s lost arms.
Heart pounding, orders drilling, adrenaline pumping.
The sounds unforgettable:
The sound of death when the glass shatters and shrapnel flies.
The sound of pain when his last breath lingers in his lungs.
Silence heavy as lead.
The feelings undeniable:
To know he was someone’s son—
To feel his mother crying, sister weeping, and wife waiting.
To know you are alive, but unsure of how long. To feel the onset of the unknown.
The questions rising:
Reduced to machines
Fighting for the cause – what cause?
The cause of freedom? The cause of Democracy?
Or the cause for power, and the cause for control?
You see the deserted buildings surrounded by dry desert sand—
Gutted buildings that once knew life.
The remnants of fallen soldiers—
A mangled limb here, a boot there, another badge, and a letter written in haste—
Scattered among the piles of rubble that sing the song of victory.
The remnants of two worlds collided;
Brought together in butchery,
Unable to differentiate the remains.
We are all human, we are all created.
There is freedom—
It comes after the fatality and devastation. Unified, truly, by the causes you both pledged your life to.
A Little Creativity is What I Need...
The morning is crisp and cool. Sitting on my favorite bench, the sun rises and the rays warm my soul. I sit basking in the glory of the sun, thanking God for the moments I am given. As I watch the sun slowly rise in the east, I close my eyes and picture each speck of sunlight softly landing on my skin. The warmth is rushing over me like a wave soaks the sand.
I witness the flowers unfolding and raising their faces to drink in the golden rays. It is a simple reminder of reliance and sustenance. The petals are sun bathing and the leaves are warming themselves. I watch in awe as I begin to realize the beauty of the sustaining power that is held in the sun.
As the rays continue to spill over the landscape, I begin to hear the morning laughter of the birds and the relentless buzzing of the worker bee scouting out the sweet provision of life that is willingly offered by the sunbathing flower. I begin to realize how all things work together to maintain a pleasant life. I’m faced with the reality of humanity’s lack of cooperation compared to nature’s collaboration. I am an observer of a micro-world unaware of the human condition. It is a system of giving and receiving; a life that goes unnoticed by the self-absorbed human. I am only an observer; I am not a contributor to the beauty of their interaction.
The temperature rises then begins to fall. I watch as the sun begins to say her goodbyes. Her soft kiss caressing the creation she sustains; as if she is saying, “I’ll be back tomorrow, but for now, sleep well, my love. Do not fear for the dark only lasts a moment.”
The colors splash across the sky: yellow, then orange, then vibrant red. The rays are piercing the soul with warmth that reaches the inner depths. Unable to control myself, I throw my hands above my head and begin to dance, the smile permanent and tears streaming down my cheeks.
As the songbird sings her lullaby and the busy bee is tucked in, the crickets emerge to play a sad song mourning the descent of the sun and the frogs join in the chorus. They mourn the sun’s goodbye, but lie in wait for her return—constantly waiting and passing time with song.
The stars begin to twinkle—one, two, three. The life-star is gone for merely a moment, but her power emanates within me. I close my eyes and remember her rays dancing upon my face and being wrapped in the love of the sun’s embrace.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Rain
There's a storm inside of me: like a hurricane with 90mph winds pressing against my heart--the center of emotion. It's a beautiful struggle. A lot of it comes from not knowing what's going to happen in the next couple years.
I have been alive for 20 years. I'm 20 years old. It sounds like such a long time, doesn't it? My life has been so beautiful. I look back on it and I realize just how blessed I was and am. I have amazing parents who love, encourage, and support me; two sisters whom I love with ever fiber of my being; amazing grandparents who love me more than I understand; friends that make me a better person and love me for who I am; mistakes to learn and grow from; life experiences that have contributed to my personal views; remnants of innocence (that I'm clutching onto for dear life); eyes to see; ears to hear; a mouth to speak; a brain to learn; a mind to contemplate; and a heart to love. Not to mention that I may have just had the most amazingly perfect childhood. To think that God gave all of that to me--and he is still blessing me every day! My life is wonderful.
I honestly cannot wait to see what he does in the future. It's going to be so good. There's something happening in me. There's a change occuring. I'm being transformed by his love.
God is so good, right?
I have been alive for 20 years. I'm 20 years old. It sounds like such a long time, doesn't it? My life has been so beautiful. I look back on it and I realize just how blessed I was and am. I have amazing parents who love, encourage, and support me; two sisters whom I love with ever fiber of my being; amazing grandparents who love me more than I understand; friends that make me a better person and love me for who I am; mistakes to learn and grow from; life experiences that have contributed to my personal views; remnants of innocence (that I'm clutching onto for dear life); eyes to see; ears to hear; a mouth to speak; a brain to learn; a mind to contemplate; and a heart to love. Not to mention that I may have just had the most amazingly perfect childhood. To think that God gave all of that to me--and he is still blessing me every day! My life is wonderful.
I honestly cannot wait to see what he does in the future. It's going to be so good. There's something happening in me. There's a change occuring. I'm being transformed by his love.
God is so good, right?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Katsup and Mustard
There's an essence of surrender; a feeling of hope exemplified by my arms lifted in front of the vast ocean.
I guess you could say that I'm in a season of my life where I'm learning how to surrender and let go of my past life, my insecurities, my frustration, and my control. God wants all of me. I'm throwing up my hands in surrender. I am immersed in his presence, his love, and his way. Pure relief.
That's not really the point of this blog. I wanted to catch up on my 12 months of love.
Since I came back to school, I've neglected the challenge. These last few months have been more challenging tasks: Seek truth and ignore rude, mean, or awful thoughts toward others, protect the reputation of others, trust the word of those you love and have discernment with others. I'm not really sure how to do them.
Honestly, I haven't really been trying. Blah. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
I miss home. I love school SO much! Everything about it. English Lit is where I'm supposed to be. There's a peace in where I am, and I like that! Megan's amazing. I like her a lot. We have fun. I'm so excited to see where God takes me and what he does with my life.
Well, that's the catsup and mustard. I remember in elementary when teachers would say it's catchup and mustard time. I hate when people call ketchup catsup. That's why I named this blog the way I did.
Goooooodbye random.
Picture by Tessa Ratner
Friday, August 20, 2010
A Success Story
Thank you to all who helped, contributed, or came to the Benefit Concert. God definitely provided and because of your support, we sent $387 to Blood:Water Mission!
If you're interested in getting involved yourself, go ahead and visit: bloodwatermission.com. There are a lot of great resources and information available on that site.
Continue to keep the people of Africa in your minds, hearts, and prayers. They are our neighbors; they are our friends.
You've now become a part of something bigger than yourself. As humans, we have a calling to go beyond this mediocre life of self-indulgence; we must go forth and show love, be examples, and give ourselves (and our resources) to a greater purpose. Although we may never meet these people, they WILL know that: We, the people of St. George, Utah, love and cherish the lives of our brothers and sisters.
Blessings!
If you're interested in getting involved yourself, go ahead and visit: bloodwatermission.com. There are a lot of great resources and information available on that site.
Continue to keep the people of Africa in your minds, hearts, and prayers. They are our neighbors; they are our friends.
You've now become a part of something bigger than yourself. As humans, we have a calling to go beyond this mediocre life of self-indulgence; we must go forth and show love, be examples, and give ourselves (and our resources) to a greater purpose. Although we may never meet these people, they WILL know that: We, the people of St. George, Utah, love and cherish the lives of our brothers and sisters.
Blessings!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Futuristics
"It's probably best we don't know a lot about the future, because if we did, we'd be too consumed on getting there and making the right choices."
This is how I see it, if we could see into the future, we would be so focused on what is going to happen rather than living life one day at a time, making mistakes, and growing. In "Troy," Achilles says to Perseus, "The gods envy us because we are mortal. Because every day could be our last, it makes it all the more beautiful."
Basically, everything happens for a reason. We make a choice that takes us one step closer to what is going to happen in the future. If we knew what was to come, we would take different steps, avoid certain mistakes in order to get to the desired point. Problem is, the things we do lead to other events, therefore if we knew what was going to happen, we would choose differently, and ultimately risk getting to the exact point we were aiming for. Thus, knowing the future would be futile because it would change with each "wrong" choice we make. Our lives are paths laid out with different checkpoints. If we fail to meet those checkpoints, we fail to learn, grow, and make it to our desired future (of course, we'd have another outcome, but not the one we knew). Pretty much, it's a big, messy web that's too complicated to even comprehend.
(This next part is pertaining to reality: not being able to see into the future) The image that comes to mind when I think about our choices and how they affect our future is a spider's web. The center is the desired ending point. With each event, there are multiple choices and options. No matter what choice you make, it ultimately leads to the center. Each choice affects the next choice we are presented. For example, we have to choose what college we want to go to. There are thousands of different options. If we choose the state university, we would be presented with different opportunities (such as friends, groups, classes) than we would if we chose Harvard or Yale.
I love to think about the possibilities in my life; the different opportunities I may be presented with in the long run. I like to know that no matter what choice I make, it will ultimately lead me to the same place. Some choices may be harder than others, and some may take you a few steps back, but that's the beauty of being a human. We have the chance to live and learn!
This is how I see it, if we could see into the future, we would be so focused on what is going to happen rather than living life one day at a time, making mistakes, and growing. In "Troy," Achilles says to Perseus, "The gods envy us because we are mortal. Because every day could be our last, it makes it all the more beautiful."
Basically, everything happens for a reason. We make a choice that takes us one step closer to what is going to happen in the future. If we knew what was to come, we would take different steps, avoid certain mistakes in order to get to the desired point. Problem is, the things we do lead to other events, therefore if we knew what was going to happen, we would choose differently, and ultimately risk getting to the exact point we were aiming for. Thus, knowing the future would be futile because it would change with each "wrong" choice we make. Our lives are paths laid out with different checkpoints. If we fail to meet those checkpoints, we fail to learn, grow, and make it to our desired future (of course, we'd have another outcome, but not the one we knew). Pretty much, it's a big, messy web that's too complicated to even comprehend.
(This next part is pertaining to reality: not being able to see into the future) The image that comes to mind when I think about our choices and how they affect our future is a spider's web. The center is the desired ending point. With each event, there are multiple choices and options. No matter what choice you make, it ultimately leads to the center. Each choice affects the next choice we are presented. For example, we have to choose what college we want to go to. There are thousands of different options. If we choose the state university, we would be presented with different opportunities (such as friends, groups, classes) than we would if we chose Harvard or Yale.
I love to think about the possibilities in my life; the different opportunities I may be presented with in the long run. I like to know that no matter what choice I make, it will ultimately lead me to the same place. Some choices may be harder than others, and some may take you a few steps back, but that's the beauty of being a human. We have the chance to live and learn!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
LEARN
I am having a strange urge to write. Well, I suppose it's not really strange, just an urge.
I've always had a longing in my heart to be a traveler. I want to discover the unknown, reopen the past, and know the secrets of the world. My thirst for knowledge is sometimes insatiable. All I want is the ability to understand and comprehend the things of history.
Basically, if I was to travel the world, I would discover new ways of life, thinking, and doing. It's baffling when you think of the American Mentality: we have it right, our way is right. Who says we're right (other than us, of course)? There are ways of life out there completely contrary to what we believe and what we do. I want to completely reconstruct my view of life and way of thinking. In traveling, I would do just that. To be immersed in another culture would give me perspective on why people do what they do.
Also, if I travel, the opportunities of research would automatically increase. The libraries! The museums! The collections! There are so many, it blows my mind to even imagine the beauty of it all.
Knowing, learning, and understanding is a dream I've had for a long time. Sometimes, I almost want to drop out of school so I can travel. I just want to experience life. Knowledge and learning go hand-in-hand with life lessons. How can we learn if we don't experience?
I've always had a longing in my heart to be a traveler. I want to discover the unknown, reopen the past, and know the secrets of the world. My thirst for knowledge is sometimes insatiable. All I want is the ability to understand and comprehend the things of history.
Basically, if I was to travel the world, I would discover new ways of life, thinking, and doing. It's baffling when you think of the American Mentality: we have it right, our way is right. Who says we're right (other than us, of course)? There are ways of life out there completely contrary to what we believe and what we do. I want to completely reconstruct my view of life and way of thinking. In traveling, I would do just that. To be immersed in another culture would give me perspective on why people do what they do.
Also, if I travel, the opportunities of research would automatically increase. The libraries! The museums! The collections! There are so many, it blows my mind to even imagine the beauty of it all.
Knowing, learning, and understanding is a dream I've had for a long time. Sometimes, I almost want to drop out of school so I can travel. I just want to experience life. Knowledge and learning go hand-in-hand with life lessons. How can we learn if we don't experience?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
June to July
June: showing love through not losing my temper and acting out in anger. I did fairly well. It's always hard for me because, like I said, I am a bit of a hot-head.
It seems like while I'm at home, I don't pick up on a lot of the signs that God gives me. For some reason they are a lot more apparent at school.
July: forgive and forget. I know where I'm going to start. This is going to be a good month.
These keep getting shorter and shorter. Sorry to those who actually read this.
It seems like while I'm at home, I don't pick up on a lot of the signs that God gives me. For some reason they are a lot more apparent at school.
July: forgive and forget. I know where I'm going to start. This is going to be a good month.
These keep getting shorter and shorter. Sorry to those who actually read this.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Campaign for Clean Water for Africa
The History of Blood:Water Mission
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY. We're a group of passionate people who have been inspired by our friends in Africa, friends who face unbearable challenges from the HIV/AIDS and water crises. We creatively and thoughtfully raise awareness and the necessary funds for the provision of clean blood and clean water in sub-Saharan Africa.
Hear ye, hear ye! I have wanted to do something like this for a while, but haven't gotten around to it. But as the saying goes, "there is no time like the present." I want to not only raise awareness, but also money for B:WM and the people of Africa through a benefit concert showcasing a few local bands (if you are interested, please message me unless I haven't already messaged you.) I don't know when it would be, I just decided I have to do this tonight..like 5 minutes ago. I'm going to need people to help with all kinds of stuff and if no one volunteers, then I will seek you out and force you to help...well, not really, but kind of. This is an incredible opportunity to help people across the world, people that are suffering, people who you may never meet, people who need to be shown love and compassion, people who are so full of joy despite their less-than-joyful circumstances, people we can learn from!
Basically, it will be a benefit concert (as I already stated) featuring local bands/artists (you don't have to be a band, you could just be an awesome soloist). I won't charge admission (sooo, if you have a problem with that, we don't really need you), but will ask for donations while raising awareness of the conditions people are actually living in. I'm going to need creative people, tech-savvy people, talented people, organized people, or just...people. I would love if you helped me out. This is still in the planning process, so no absolutes yet, but I promise, THIS WILL HAPPEN!!!! Even if one person shows up and donates $1, they will be helping provide water for 1 African for 1 year (incredible, i know!).
If you want more info on B:WM, you can visit their site http://www.bloodwatermissi
I really, really, really hope you want to help me out. I'll buy you ice cream or something. I'll also be contacting some people personally via phone/email/fb/any other form of technology.
(P.S. this is generally regarding the people of St. George, but hey if you're not a Georgian and you want to help out, feel free to jump on a plane and fly down to the hottest place you'll ever visit!)
Just take a look at these beautiful photos! If that doesn't pull at your heart strings, I don't know what will.
For updates on this whole process, please visit: www.serviseistheword.blogspot.com
Thanks all!!
Oh, and donations are gladly accepted :)
Late One...again
Well, May went well. I struggled at times. I can't think of any "braches" God taught me this month, but I'm sure there were some, just less visible. I can be a pretty selfish person at times, but thankfully, I really tried.
June: I must control my temper. Yikees! I will admit, I am a hot head at times, but I think I can do this. Count to ten, right? 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...then scream into a pillow. Awesome.
Pray for me, please!
June: I must control my temper. Yikees! I will admit, I am a hot head at times, but I think I can do this. Count to ten, right? 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...then scream into a pillow. Awesome.
Pray for me, please!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
May, May, May, May I Please?
May's challenge: put others before me. Thus far, I've done fairly well. Off and on. I'm a selfish person, I know that, so I knew this month would be slightly difficult. And opportunities always present themselves, but even though I recognize them doesn't mean I'll actually take that opportunity and run with it. I'm trying, I really am, but it's hard and sometimes I just want to think about me.
April was "don't be rude." That did not work out so well. I failed in the nice department. I got very irritable (which also means I failed in the patience department, as well) and would let my sarcasm get out of hand, to the point where it wasn't really sarcasm, I only passed it off as that so I wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. I feel bad. So really, May is all about being nice and putting others before me.
Even though it really doesn't have anything to do with...anything, I'm learning how to apologize. Ever since I was little, I hated apologizing. My pride has always been a problem in that area. SO I guess what I'm saying is that month of no pride really worked out for me...even if it IS a few months late.
I'm home. It is fabulous and I have so many jobs lined up. God definitely provides. Unfortunately, I was unable to donate at BioLife because of low iron, but hopefully I get that up before the end of summer so I can donate my plasma at least a few times.
This summer is going to be a summer of overcoming fear and becoming more independent. How I'm going to do that, you ask? Well, first of all, I got a job at a call center. If you know me even slightly well, you know I HATE to call people. I hate calling anyone, even my family sometimes. It terrifies me. It is an irrational fear that I am so excited to get over. Not only will it help me this summer, but it is also going to give me the experience I need to become an admissions counselor so I can take after Tessa. :)
Needles are another fear I have. Donating plasma requires being stuck...many, many times. Like I said, hopefully I'll have the opportunity to overcome that fear.
And finally, I'm terrified of heights, immobilized even. I am not positive on how I am going to rid myself of this disease (yes, I consider it my disease), but I will. Hiking, jumping, standing, anything to get rid of it. Next year at school I am DETERMINED to climb that wall. I will! I will! I will!!!
p.s. God is totally watching out for me. I only got a B- in Intro to Psych. I expected at the most a C-. A B- isn't fabulous, but it's college, my grades aren't as important and God has control (something I've had to learn quite often this past year).
April was "don't be rude." That did not work out so well. I failed in the nice department. I got very irritable (which also means I failed in the patience department, as well) and would let my sarcasm get out of hand, to the point where it wasn't really sarcasm, I only passed it off as that so I wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. I feel bad. So really, May is all about being nice and putting others before me.
Even though it really doesn't have anything to do with...anything, I'm learning how to apologize. Ever since I was little, I hated apologizing. My pride has always been a problem in that area. SO I guess what I'm saying is that month of no pride really worked out for me...even if it IS a few months late.
I'm home. It is fabulous and I have so many jobs lined up. God definitely provides. Unfortunately, I was unable to donate at BioLife because of low iron, but hopefully I get that up before the end of summer so I can donate my plasma at least a few times.
This summer is going to be a summer of overcoming fear and becoming more independent. How I'm going to do that, you ask? Well, first of all, I got a job at a call center. If you know me even slightly well, you know I HATE to call people. I hate calling anyone, even my family sometimes. It terrifies me. It is an irrational fear that I am so excited to get over. Not only will it help me this summer, but it is also going to give me the experience I need to become an admissions counselor so I can take after Tessa. :)
Needles are another fear I have. Donating plasma requires being stuck...many, many times. Like I said, hopefully I'll have the opportunity to overcome that fear.
And finally, I'm terrified of heights, immobilized even. I am not positive on how I am going to rid myself of this disease (yes, I consider it my disease), but I will. Hiking, jumping, standing, anything to get rid of it. Next year at school I am DETERMINED to climb that wall. I will! I will! I will!!!
p.s. God is totally watching out for me. I only got a B- in Intro to Psych. I expected at the most a C-. A B- isn't fabulous, but it's college, my grades aren't as important and God has control (something I've had to learn quite often this past year).
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thoughts from the Inner-Soul...
It never ceases to amaze me how paradoxical I can be. In so many areas of my life I strive to be independent and carefree, but it doesn’t always work out that way. For instance, my desire to love and be loved is almost overwhelming at times. I guess you could say I’m a hopeless romantic. Here’s where the paradox plays in: I’m a hopeless romantic who doesn’t believe in true love. Yes, I believe in the purest form of love, but not between two humans. I don’t even believe it’s attainable by any human being, only God.
So many stories and movies make love out to be almost a chemical reaction: an instant spark that is impossible to miss. I’ve grown up WANTING that! I’ve grown up picturing how I would fall in love, how my first kiss would be (which was far from what I pictured), how my fiancé would propose, how my wedding would look, how cute my husband and I would be together, etc…you get the picture. I was that little girl that always made her Barbie’s get married. I’m that girl who had her wedding already planned out by the time she was 12. I’m that girl who wants that love more than anything in the world, but hates the vulnerability it places on her. Yes, I’m that girl. I even went through a phase where I thought I NEEDED that love. (Needless to say, I thought I would get that "spark" when I came to college. Like every great college love story, it happens in the first week and it's easy to build that relationship...yep, didn't happen.)
I don’t want that anymore. I want a real love (yes, I’m beginning to believe…). I want a love that resembles Christ’s love for us. I want a pure, wholesome, beautiful love. A love that I don’t have to initiate!
I’ve thought for a long time that if I wanted something to happen, I would have to take care of it myself (even thought I didn’t). I’ve always been a strong advocate of the traditional boy-asks-girl, but never truly believed it would ever happen to me. Well, I’m going to say this “loud and proud”: I deserve to be pursued, I deserve to be loved completely, and I deserve a beautiful story. All girls deserve that. It’s hard to let go of that control and put your trust in God. I know he’ll bring along the right guy for me…someday, and if not, then it is His will. And if that is the case, I pray that He will make me okay with that. I honestly believe that God puts desires in our hearts (not all, but most), and if something wasn’t going to happen, that desire wouldn’t be present. In saying that, I believe that it will happen, maybe not this year, the next 5 years, or the next 10 years, but it will. I need to learn patience above all else. I don’t know the reasons for my being single for the better part of 19 years, but I do know there are reasons, and I can take a pretty good guess as to what those reasons are, but for now, I just need to be content in where God has me.
Like I said, every woman/girl deserves to be pursued and loved by a Godly man. It’s so sad to see little 13-year-olds flaunting their bodies because they aren’t secure enough in what they have to offer as a person. I just want to say, girls: wait for that love! I may not be a "love-guru" or have near enough experience to be giving "love advice", but I do know that it will be worth the wait; and guys: become a man worthy of giving that love. Oh, and another piece of advice for the guys: get a move on pursuing the girls. I’m sure I can speak for most of them when I say, “we’re tired of waiting.”
(NOTE: For those girls out there that haven't waited, that are impatient, or seem hopeless: God restores hope, He restores! It may be hard to let go of the pain and the feelings of inadequacy or no value, but once you do, the joy and peace is overwhelming. People mess up and God forgives and restores.)
So many stories and movies make love out to be almost a chemical reaction: an instant spark that is impossible to miss. I’ve grown up WANTING that! I’ve grown up picturing how I would fall in love, how my first kiss would be (which was far from what I pictured), how my fiancé would propose, how my wedding would look, how cute my husband and I would be together, etc…you get the picture. I was that little girl that always made her Barbie’s get married. I’m that girl who had her wedding already planned out by the time she was 12. I’m that girl who wants that love more than anything in the world, but hates the vulnerability it places on her. Yes, I’m that girl. I even went through a phase where I thought I NEEDED that love. (Needless to say, I thought I would get that "spark" when I came to college. Like every great college love story, it happens in the first week and it's easy to build that relationship...yep, didn't happen.)
I don’t want that anymore. I want a real love (yes, I’m beginning to believe…). I want a love that resembles Christ’s love for us. I want a pure, wholesome, beautiful love. A love that I don’t have to initiate!
I’ve thought for a long time that if I wanted something to happen, I would have to take care of it myself (even thought I didn’t). I’ve always been a strong advocate of the traditional boy-asks-girl, but never truly believed it would ever happen to me. Well, I’m going to say this “loud and proud”: I deserve to be pursued, I deserve to be loved completely, and I deserve a beautiful story. All girls deserve that. It’s hard to let go of that control and put your trust in God. I know he’ll bring along the right guy for me…someday, and if not, then it is His will. And if that is the case, I pray that He will make me okay with that. I honestly believe that God puts desires in our hearts (not all, but most), and if something wasn’t going to happen, that desire wouldn’t be present. In saying that, I believe that it will happen, maybe not this year, the next 5 years, or the next 10 years, but it will. I need to learn patience above all else. I don’t know the reasons for my being single for the better part of 19 years, but I do know there are reasons, and I can take a pretty good guess as to what those reasons are, but for now, I just need to be content in where God has me.
Like I said, every woman/girl deserves to be pursued and loved by a Godly man. It’s so sad to see little 13-year-olds flaunting their bodies because they aren’t secure enough in what they have to offer as a person. I just want to say, girls: wait for that love! I may not be a "love-guru" or have near enough experience to be giving "love advice", but I do know that it will be worth the wait; and guys: become a man worthy of giving that love. Oh, and another piece of advice for the guys: get a move on pursuing the girls. I’m sure I can speak for most of them when I say, “we’re tired of waiting.”
(NOTE: For those girls out there that haven't waited, that are impatient, or seem hopeless: God restores hope, He restores! It may be hard to let go of the pain and the feelings of inadequacy or no value, but once you do, the joy and peace is overwhelming. People mess up and God forgives and restores.)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Metamorphosis
Life inching along,
transformed into a winged song.
Overnight: a change has occurred.
Taking flight.
Feel the effect of
perseverence,
joy,
change.
Once despised, now cherished.
Wrapped in comfort,
emerging unseathed and renewed.
Once slow, now rejuvinated.
Once trapped, now free.
The time has come.
Once vile, now beautiful.
A change long awaited.
A complete transformation.
A metamorphosis.
transformed into a winged song.
Overnight: a change has occurred.
Taking flight.
Feel the effect of
perseverence,
joy,
change.
Once despised, now cherished.
Wrapped in comfort,
emerging unseathed and renewed.
Once slow, now rejuvinated.
Once trapped, now free.
The time has come.
Once vile, now beautiful.
A change long awaited.
A complete transformation.
A metamorphosis.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A Big, Blended Smoothie of Feelings
I've been feeling inadequate lately.
I don't know how to explain these feelings. I understand that everything happens for a reason, but I wish I could see the bigger picture. I wish I could have God's mind and see what God sees. Wouldn't that be incredible? I don't know if my brain could comprehend, much less function if I knew everything He knew. God is amazing.
One of my biggest fears in coming to a new place where no one knew me was not being as successful as I was in high school; or, even more so, finding out that everything I had been told, every "talent" people had encouraged would turn out to be fake and I would learn that everyone lied to me. Delusion is something I DO NOT want to experience. Despite the fact that I know this is untrue, I can't help but wonder why I feel like God is leading me in directions just to have Him say, "no, I don't want you to do this now." I feel like it may be a test of pride...again!
I understand God has a hand in everything: He opens and closes doors. Like I said, He knows what He's doing. I better not question Him.
Oh well, I'm glad that I can rest in the knowledge that there's a reason behind all things and He has much bigger things for me! And hey, now I'll have a bunch of time for homework...and classes...and sitting around...and other important stuff.
I still wonder how many ways "sorry, not right now" can be said?
"You're fired."
"You are the weakest link!"
"The tribe has spoken..."
"Dun, dun, dun!!!! You have been voted off the island."
Good thing God isn't mean and his is always a simple "not right now, darling." I'm so thankful He loves me unconditionally, despite all my flaws.
I don't know how to explain these feelings. I understand that everything happens for a reason, but I wish I could see the bigger picture. I wish I could have God's mind and see what God sees. Wouldn't that be incredible? I don't know if my brain could comprehend, much less function if I knew everything He knew. God is amazing.
One of my biggest fears in coming to a new place where no one knew me was not being as successful as I was in high school; or, even more so, finding out that everything I had been told, every "talent" people had encouraged would turn out to be fake and I would learn that everyone lied to me. Delusion is something I DO NOT want to experience. Despite the fact that I know this is untrue, I can't help but wonder why I feel like God is leading me in directions just to have Him say, "no, I don't want you to do this now." I feel like it may be a test of pride...again!
I understand God has a hand in everything: He opens and closes doors. Like I said, He knows what He's doing. I better not question Him.
Oh well, I'm glad that I can rest in the knowledge that there's a reason behind all things and He has much bigger things for me! And hey, now I'll have a bunch of time for homework...and classes...and sitting around...and other important stuff.
I still wonder how many ways "sorry, not right now" can be said?
"You're fired."
"You are the weakest link!"
"The tribe has spoken..."
"Dun, dun, dun!!!! You have been voted off the island."
Good thing God isn't mean and his is always a simple "not right now, darling." I'm so thankful He loves me unconditionally, despite all my flaws.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Beauty of Womanhood
I found this on someone else's blog. Click here to see her craziness. She's a little out there and new-agey, but a lot of what she says makes sense to me.
From her "I Love Being a Woman"
She has a lot of insight and I can definitely relate with her by saying, "I love being a woman, too!" I can relate to a lot of the feelings she is portraying and I think every woman should be proud of who she is and how she has been created because there is a certain beauty in womanhood that cannot be found anywhere else. God has created us as beautiful creatures: made to love, nurture, and care for those in need. What a wonderful call.
(Funny how 6 months ago, I would have claimed to be borderline feminist. I think recognizing how God created me and what He created me to be has helped change those ideas. I see the differences between men and women now and I am able to honor those and see the beauty of both, without an overlap.)
From her "I Love Being a Woman"
I loved singing lullabies to my babies.
I loved sitting on the bed of the youngest child,
with all my children gathered around and reading stories to them.
This always led to conversations about what worried them or
what funny things happened to them.
I loved having my children bring me potato bugs, dandelions,
blossoms off the trees for evidence of their love to me.
Children are a beauty. I have the capacity to carry them within me,
grow them from my own soul.
the inexplicable pull i feel towards others.
I have love as deep as an ocean in my heart.
Intuition. I care for people, almost too much at times.
I can feel others feelings with such acuteness, it makes me ache.
But I wouldn't give it up for anything.
I get to be a work of art! Wearing beautiful skirts and dresses with long flowing hair
makes me feel like a fairy.
I love to drift around and pretend that I am a painting.
Other women. Our great Mother has brought us all together and lets us feel
the power of each others souls.
I am allowed to cry. Not that men aren't, but I'm almost expected to.
And believe you me, I take full advantage.
Everything feels like everything to me.
Mother Nature brings me to my knees,
children leave me breathless,
and the warmth of my husband makes me weak. I can feel!
We are fighters and we are strong, but we still need to be taken care of.
Pride is not in our blood.
My own mother makes me proud to be a woman.
The wealth of wisdom and love that she has poured out upon my hungry soul has made me
who I am. I have seen her struggle and overcome,
she has taught me what it is to be a mother, child, wife, and woman.
She has a lot of insight and I can definitely relate with her by saying, "I love being a woman, too!" I can relate to a lot of the feelings she is portraying and I think every woman should be proud of who she is and how she has been created because there is a certain beauty in womanhood that cannot be found anywhere else. God has created us as beautiful creatures: made to love, nurture, and care for those in need. What a wonderful call.
(Funny how 6 months ago, I would have claimed to be borderline feminist. I think recognizing how God created me and what He created me to be has helped change those ideas. I see the differences between men and women now and I am able to honor those and see the beauty of both, without an overlap.)
A Bit to Share
7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. [1 Jn 4:7-12]This passage really hit home. My New Year's resolution, as you all know by now, is to live a life of love: "12 Months of Love" according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This passage basically summed up love; specifically, God's love for His children. Several times throughout the passage it says, "God is love." Thinking about how hard it is to define God, we can easily say that He is love. What is love? Love drives out fear, love is genuine, love is unconditional, there is confidence in love, love is God (and God is love). It's such a vast concept, but nonetheless, it is incredible. My favorite verses in the passage are verses 10 and 12: "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins...No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." This is how we love. Love is the foundation of a Christian Relationship; between Christ and his people and among brothers and sisters in Christ.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Back to the Future
I am a little slow on the updates...sorry about that.
I started this post during Spring Break, but I never got around to finishing it. It was good, too, but unfortunately, I had to delete most of it because it was no longer relevant to my situation here and now.
March was--how do I say this--frustrating. "Love does not boast. Love is not proud." First of all, I'm not so great at the whole no boasting part. I'm not really sure what constitutes "boasting?" I talk about my family a lot, but I don't think that's boasting. I also don't really understand how love and boasting are related in any way. I guess it plays into the aspect of love that is not selfish and cares for other people rather than focusing on one's self. I don't know. I think I need to work a little bit harder on that part this month.
Now, onto pride. Oh my goodness! My pride was poked and prodded and deflated a few times this last month. Like I said in a previous post, God seems to have more in mind for me than just getting me through the month focused on one aspect. I thought getting rid of pride was going to be easy because, of course, I didn't think I was that prideful. I was wrong!
Let's rewind back to February. I took my first exam in Intro to Psych. I actually failed. 54%. I don't fail tests. I've never failed a test before that. I was pretty upset with myself for not taking it seriously, but Dr. Norman said we could retake the test later (this month). So I wasn't too worried about it. Then in March we took our second exam. I actually studied (not much, but more than the first) and I only got a 67%. Now this devastated me. I was appalled. I could not believe that I had gone through high school thinking I was smart when all along I was really dumb. Prior to that fateful day, I had been praying that God would reveal to me aspects of my life that I hadn't surrendered to Him. Welp, that's just what He did. It was pointed out to me that maybe this was God's way of not only showing me aspects I hadn't given up, but also hurting my pride, which caused me to see that, yes, I actually am prideful. I thought about it a bit more and I realized that I've always taken pride in my academics, in my grades. I know I'm smart. (I also kind of boast about this sometimes...) Our exam was Wednesday, that night I figured there wasn't much I could do about it and God was an infinity times bigger than me, so I gave it to Him: my final grade, my academics (I mean, He is the one who gave me the brain capacity I have), and my worry. I felt better about it, but I was still slightly upset. On Friday I went into class contemplating withdrawal. Norman started talking about a solution he had for the last exam. He gave us a way to raise exam #2 15 percentage points. So where I got a 67, I could raise my percentage to an 83. Easy! Essay questions from the chapters we had been tested on. God definitely comes through for us. I was so amazed. God is so good! He loves me, He cares about me. He cares about my grades! He cares that I care about my grades. And guess what, because my pride was decapitated (best descriptor I could think of), I'm learning to rely more on God when it comes to classes and that essentially my grades are not as important to God as other things. Oh yeah, I've also surrendered academics to God (as well as relationship status). I know there are probably other things that I need to surrender, but I'm hesitant to pray for revelation because it turned out to bite me in the butt last time.
April: love is not rude
I can do this...with His help.
I started this post during Spring Break, but I never got around to finishing it. It was good, too, but unfortunately, I had to delete most of it because it was no longer relevant to my situation here and now.
March was--how do I say this--frustrating. "Love does not boast. Love is not proud." First of all, I'm not so great at the whole no boasting part. I'm not really sure what constitutes "boasting?" I talk about my family a lot, but I don't think that's boasting. I also don't really understand how love and boasting are related in any way. I guess it plays into the aspect of love that is not selfish and cares for other people rather than focusing on one's self. I don't know. I think I need to work a little bit harder on that part this month.
Now, onto pride. Oh my goodness! My pride was poked and prodded and deflated a few times this last month. Like I said in a previous post, God seems to have more in mind for me than just getting me through the month focused on one aspect. I thought getting rid of pride was going to be easy because, of course, I didn't think I was that prideful. I was wrong!
Let's rewind back to February. I took my first exam in Intro to Psych. I actually failed. 54%. I don't fail tests. I've never failed a test before that. I was pretty upset with myself for not taking it seriously, but Dr. Norman said we could retake the test later (this month). So I wasn't too worried about it. Then in March we took our second exam. I actually studied (not much, but more than the first) and I only got a 67%. Now this devastated me. I was appalled. I could not believe that I had gone through high school thinking I was smart when all along I was really dumb. Prior to that fateful day, I had been praying that God would reveal to me aspects of my life that I hadn't surrendered to Him. Welp, that's just what He did. It was pointed out to me that maybe this was God's way of not only showing me aspects I hadn't given up, but also hurting my pride, which caused me to see that, yes, I actually am prideful. I thought about it a bit more and I realized that I've always taken pride in my academics, in my grades. I know I'm smart. (I also kind of boast about this sometimes...) Our exam was Wednesday, that night I figured there wasn't much I could do about it and God was an infinity times bigger than me, so I gave it to Him: my final grade, my academics (I mean, He is the one who gave me the brain capacity I have), and my worry. I felt better about it, but I was still slightly upset. On Friday I went into class contemplating withdrawal. Norman started talking about a solution he had for the last exam. He gave us a way to raise exam #2 15 percentage points. So where I got a 67, I could raise my percentage to an 83. Easy! Essay questions from the chapters we had been tested on. God definitely comes through for us. I was so amazed. God is so good! He loves me, He cares about me. He cares about my grades! He cares that I care about my grades. And guess what, because my pride was decapitated (best descriptor I could think of), I'm learning to rely more on God when it comes to classes and that essentially my grades are not as important to God as other things. Oh yeah, I've also surrendered academics to God (as well as relationship status). I know there are probably other things that I need to surrender, but I'm hesitant to pray for revelation because it turned out to bite me in the butt last time.
April: love is not rude
I can do this...with His help.
Monday, March 22, 2010
In the Words of My Fantastic Friends...
Despite the slight creepiness of the video, I love this song.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Theism: Anti and Pro
I think we as Christians have a calling to love everyone! Yes, that includes those who oppose us. This is anything we find "ungodly" or "unwholesome": Atheism, homosexuality, other religious group, etc. Honestly, sometimes its hard to look past this fact and become people on agreeable terms, possibly friends. So many Christians use fear to try "converting" the opposition: YOU'RE GOING TO HELL IF YOU DON'T CHANGE! Or my favorite, the Bible says this and this. Also, the most horrendous excuse, God won't love you unless you change. (For my "opposing" friends: none of these are true...except for the first one, but that's beside the point--I don't want to scare you into my belief window.)
Here's the dealio: Jesus died for my sins, your sins, his sins, her sins. He died, He was crucified, He was shamed to show God's love for each and every single person past, present, and future. Oh, and the best part, the aspect that inspires hope in our hearts for a transformed life: the resurrection. He rose from the dead 3 days later. That's God's love because, now, we can overcome sin to be in the presence of God. No matter who you are, God loves you. He wants you. He wants you to love Him. Despite our differences in opinion, I still love you. I will love you forever because when Christ died and I accepted His death as a gift of salvation, He gave me the ability to love as He does. Maybe it's how I was brought up, maybe it's where I went to high school...all I know is the fact that I have learned how to separate the sin from the sinner--in every case (christian, non-christian)
Now you may ask what sparked this blog? There's a new group on Facebook called Hey Facebook!... Atheist Groups are NOT Hate Groups! Stop Banning Them! Here's the thing: if we as Christians think that Atheist Groups are hate groups, then aren't we the same? I mean, yeah, they dis our beliefs, organized religion, the idea of intelligent design and God Himself. But don't we dis the belief of NO God, NO intelligent design, evolution, and science?
Yes, I do have my days when I wonder why people choose to be Atheist. I personally don't believe in organized religion; I believe in a relationship with my LORD and Savior and the never ending hope there is in the Cross, not rules and regulations. There are days that I wonder why people deny the possibility of God. What do you have to lose? If you're Atheist, there's no afterlife. If you're secure in the knowledge of Christ crucified, there's Heaven. Then I have to remember that despite our differences, God loves us nonetheless.
I may not be able to change your mind by scaring you with the prospects of hell, or with the Bible (even though I believe it is the inspired word of God...that doesn't apply to someone who doesn't believe), or with no love. The only thing that I can hope and pray for is that you notice a difference in me (and other Christians...c'mon) and recognize the love as not coming from me, but from something greater, something better, someone MIGHTIER! My God, my love, my LORD!
Here's the dealio: Jesus died for my sins, your sins, his sins, her sins. He died, He was crucified, He was shamed to show God's love for each and every single person past, present, and future. Oh, and the best part, the aspect that inspires hope in our hearts for a transformed life: the resurrection. He rose from the dead 3 days later. That's God's love because, now, we can overcome sin to be in the presence of God. No matter who you are, God loves you. He wants you. He wants you to love Him. Despite our differences in opinion, I still love you. I will love you forever because when Christ died and I accepted His death as a gift of salvation, He gave me the ability to love as He does. Maybe it's how I was brought up, maybe it's where I went to high school...all I know is the fact that I have learned how to separate the sin from the sinner--in every case (christian, non-christian)
Now you may ask what sparked this blog? There's a new group on Facebook called Hey Facebook!... Atheist Groups are NOT Hate Groups! Stop Banning Them! Here's the thing: if we as Christians think that Atheist Groups are hate groups, then aren't we the same? I mean, yeah, they dis our beliefs, organized religion, the idea of intelligent design and God Himself. But don't we dis the belief of NO God, NO intelligent design, evolution, and science?
Yes, I do have my days when I wonder why people choose to be Atheist. I personally don't believe in organized religion; I believe in a relationship with my LORD and Savior and the never ending hope there is in the Cross, not rules and regulations. There are days that I wonder why people deny the possibility of God. What do you have to lose? If you're Atheist, there's no afterlife. If you're secure in the knowledge of Christ crucified, there's Heaven. Then I have to remember that despite our differences, God loves us nonetheless.
I may not be able to change your mind by scaring you with the prospects of hell, or with the Bible (even though I believe it is the inspired word of God...that doesn't apply to someone who doesn't believe), or with no love. The only thing that I can hope and pray for is that you notice a difference in me (and other Christians...c'mon) and recognize the love as not coming from me, but from something greater, something better, someone MIGHTIER! My God, my love, my LORD!
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