It never ceases to amaze me how paradoxical I can be. In so many areas of my life I strive to be independent and carefree, but it doesn’t always work out that way. For instance, my desire to love and be loved is almost overwhelming at times. I guess you could say I’m a hopeless romantic. Here’s where the paradox plays in: I’m a hopeless romantic who doesn’t believe in true love. Yes, I believe in the purest form of love, but not between two humans. I don’t even believe it’s attainable by any human being, only God.
So many stories and movies make love out to be almost a chemical reaction: an instant spark that is impossible to miss. I’ve grown up WANTING that! I’ve grown up picturing how I would fall in love, how my first kiss would be (which was far from what I pictured), how my fiancé would propose, how my wedding would look, how cute my husband and I would be together, etc…you get the picture. I was that little girl that always made her Barbie’s get married. I’m that girl who had her wedding already planned out by the time she was 12. I’m that girl who wants that love more than anything in the world, but hates the vulnerability it places on her. Yes, I’m that girl. I even went through a phase where I thought I NEEDED that love. (Needless to say, I thought I would get that "spark" when I came to college. Like every great college love story, it happens in the first week and it's easy to build that relationship...yep, didn't happen.)
I don’t want that anymore. I want a real love (yes, I’m beginning to believe…). I want a love that resembles Christ’s love for us. I want a pure, wholesome, beautiful love. A love that I don’t have to initiate!
I’ve thought for a long time that if I wanted something to happen, I would have to take care of it myself (even thought I didn’t). I’ve always been a strong advocate of the traditional boy-asks-girl, but never truly believed it would ever happen to me. Well, I’m going to say this “loud and proud”: I deserve to be pursued, I deserve to be loved completely, and I deserve a beautiful story. All girls deserve that. It’s hard to let go of that control and put your trust in God. I know he’ll bring along the right guy for me…someday, and if not, then it is His will. And if that is the case, I pray that He will make me okay with that. I honestly believe that God puts desires in our hearts (not all, but most), and if something wasn’t going to happen, that desire wouldn’t be present. In saying that, I believe that it will happen, maybe not this year, the next 5 years, or the next 10 years, but it will. I need to learn patience above all else. I don’t know the reasons for my being single for the better part of 19 years, but I do know there are reasons, and I can take a pretty good guess as to what those reasons are, but for now, I just need to be content in where God has me.
Like I said, every woman/girl deserves to be pursued and loved by a Godly man. It’s so sad to see little 13-year-olds flaunting their bodies because they aren’t secure enough in what they have to offer as a person. I just want to say, girls: wait for that love! I may not be a "love-guru" or have near enough experience to be giving "love advice", but I do know that it will be worth the wait; and guys: become a man worthy of giving that love. Oh, and another piece of advice for the guys: get a move on pursuing the girls. I’m sure I can speak for most of them when I say, “we’re tired of waiting.”
(NOTE: For those girls out there that haven't waited, that are impatient, or seem hopeless: God restores hope, He restores! It may be hard to let go of the pain and the feelings of inadequacy or no value, but once you do, the joy and peace is overwhelming. People mess up and God forgives and restores.)
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