A Big, Blended Smoothie of Feelings

I've been feeling inadequate lately.

I don't know how to explain these feelings.  I understand that everything happens for a reason, but I wish I could see the bigger picture.  I wish I could have God's mind and see what God sees.  Wouldn't that be incredible?  I don't know if my brain could comprehend, much less function if I knew everything He knew.  God is amazing. 

One of my biggest fears in coming to a new place where no one knew me was not being as successful as I was in high school; or, even more so, finding out that everything I had been told, every "talent" people had encouraged would turn out to be fake and I would learn that everyone lied to me.  Delusion is something I DO NOT want to experience.  Despite the fact that I know this is untrue, I can't help but wonder why I feel like God is leading me in directions just to have Him say, "no, I don't want you to do this now."  I feel like it may be a test of pride...again!

I understand God has a hand in everything: He opens and closes doors.  Like I said, He knows what He's doing.  I better not question Him. 

Oh well, I'm glad that I can rest in the knowledge that there's a reason behind all things and He has much bigger things for me!  And hey, now I'll have a bunch of time for homework...and classes...and sitting around...and other important stuff.

I still wonder how many ways "sorry, not right now" can be said?
"You're fired."
"You are the weakest link!"
"The tribe has spoken..."
"Dun, dun, dun!!!!  You have been voted off the island."

Good thing God isn't mean and his is always a simple "not right now, darling."  I'm so thankful He loves me unconditionally, despite all my flaws.