A Revelation of Sorts...

I know why I need to stay.
I know the reasons and I know why!

I'm just really excited right now because it's finally making sense.
 
My reasoning for staying:
I have always been a homebody. If you asked me to go to the movies on a Friday night, I'd tell you I'm watching a movie with my family. If you asked me to hang out after church on Sunday, I'd tell you I wanted to go home and spend time with my family. If you asked me to go somewhere with your family, I'd say I would rather sit on my couch with my family. You get the picture, right? My family means the world to me. They are my best friends. Especially Morgan. 19 months apart; inseparable. We've gone through a lot together and we've had many, many bonding experiences. All through high school, we were known as "Carley and Morgan" because everything I did, she did; everything she did, I did. You asked one sister to do something, you knew the other would be coming along for the ride. We did the same things (that's Tuacahn for ya), so we were always together. Not to mention the fact that she didn't get her license until the end of my senior year. In fact, she drove me to school once. The very last day of high school. It was a thrill. ANYWAYS, if I did choose to go to SUU (Southern Utah University, for those non-natives), I would be living with Morgan. We would never be our own persons. I honestly believe that this time in our lives is a season of independence and identity. We've always relied so heavily on each other, but someday we would've had to stop. For instance, when one of us got married, or one of us died. While I'm here and she's there, we have the opportunity of find our true identities separate from each other. Also, we can find who we are in God. Because we were always together, there was no real need to rely on God for answers, especially when your sister had all the answers for you. We are going to be able to become our own entities rather than one. And throughout this process of becoming two separates, we will become closer. The way my mom put it, "you will form a sisterly bond that will be stronger than ever and you'll be amazed at how much closer you two become." It's so true, Mom. She's a smart lady.

My mom and I talked for a really long time about this and basically we came to the conclusion that I am extremely strong-willed and stubborn (which we've known for quite some time...around 19 years now). You can tell me something over and over and over again, but if I haven't made the decision myself or come to the conclusion myself, it hits a brick wall and bounces off before it can settle in my mind. I'm the kind of person that has to learn on her own. I've learned, I've listened, and I've finally come to the conclusion that God wants me here so that I can become CARLEY. So I can be my own person; the person He wants me to be and the person I've always been destined to be. And the same goes for Morgan. I'm her older sister. I've always been there to give her advice, which sometimes caused her to come to me rather than go to God or figure it out herself. Without me there, she can search a bit deeper and rely more heavily on the LORD.

Also, this is a chance for me to learn on my own. I've always had my wonderful, loving parents to guide me through life. Showing me where to step, when to step, and how to step. I love them for it. I'm so thankful for the loving, caring, and gentle guidance, but at some point, we've got to let go and learn for ourselves. I've got to make some of my own mistakes and learn. I need to have my own experiences rather than basing my principles and values upon someone else's life.

And you know what? Here comes my chance. I'm boarding this train at the corner of God's Will and Independence. Here's my ticket. Let's ride.