MY Plans ≠ GOD's Plans

As I sit here--my stomach in knots, my eye twitching uncontrollably, and my fingers bleeding from constant gnawing--and procrastinate to the max, I feel the need to write.

Since I got back to school (for those of you who didn't know), I've been heavily leaning toward leaving Simpson and attending Southern Utah University. Let's just say, for the past month, I've been about 95% sure I was going to SUU. All up until Friday night. I am now 99.8% sure that I am coming back to Simpson (the .2% is due to monetary issues). The reasoning behind this drastic change of mind? GOD!

I had been really struggling with the decision because I was feeling pulled in both directions: one way by my family, the other by friends and a love for the environment here. I prayed. I really prayed. Last Sunday, Jan 31, I woke up with the word "wait" pressing on my mind. I thought about it for a second and let it sink in and gave up the struggle. Instantly, I was overwhelmed with peace. I made the decision to wait and be patient for God's answer. (This alone is incredible seeing as how January was my "patience" month.) From that moment on, I didn't worry about the future prospects of school; it was in God's hands.

I waited for less than a week. On Friday, Feb 5, I was struck with a sense of belonging here at Simpson; more so than ever before. I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness.

Saturday night, I had an incredible idea (rather God had an incredible idea). When I was in Elementary school, several friends and I would go to the nursing home by our neighborhood and play games and visit with the residents. During high school, musical theater would perform for the Rehabilitation Center in St. George. These people were insanely blessed by the interaction. I decided that I wanted to go to a local Nursing/Retirement Home and share my musical talents with them. I want to sing and bless their lives with God's love. I want to hear their stories. I want to pray with them. I want to love them. I want to hold their hand, look into their eyes, and tell them that they are loved by someone far greater! I want to befriend them because, Lord knows, most of them have been neglected and left for dead. The people at these homes have stories and are incredible people; I want to hear, serve, and love.

At first I was baffled--despite being so uncontrollably excited I couldn't sleep--by the thought because I didn't know how to go about it or if I was just being stupid and selfish. I prayed about it for a while, especially focusing on putting my heart in the right place.

The next day, Sunday, I was blown away. I had been telling a friend about the idea when I got a text from another friend basically affirming what I wanted to do. It was such an extraordinary happening because there was no way he could have known what I had been thinking doing...unless it was from God.

After that, I knew I was supposed to be here. God opens and closes doors. He calls and calls for our attention, and when we finally give it to Him, amazing things begin to happen.

My life is being radically changed right now. I am not only in the midst of learning to love according to God's word, but I am also strengthening my relationship with Christ and focusing on doing His will rather than mine.

It's true, for so long I've been focused on my plans and my future, but it's about time I focus on HIS plans for my future. And honestly, that includes Simpson. I know it. I feel it in ever fiber of my being.

Another incredible thing is the fact that God is "healing" me of my ailment of envy and desire (in the relationship aspect). February's love is "dispelling envious thoughts." Ironically, February is known for relationships and love. I've always been so desperate to feel loved by another human being, to experience a relationship, but lately, that's diminished. I've been praying for God's timing as well as His will. For the first time in my life, I can truly say that I'm happy and content with my singularity. Of course I still want to get married eventually and have beautiful children that I can raise to love and fear the LORD, but when the time is right, it will happen.

I'm so incredibly amazed by the changes I'm already seeing in myself.

I realize this was a long post and somewhat extensive in detail, but it needed saying, so I said it.