'Ello Deerie

It's the beginning of a whole new me.  I woke up this morning at 6am.  I looked outside my window and there were two deer grazing.  It's a promise.

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Mothers crying, sisters weeping, wives waiting.

Fathers pacing, brothers worrying,

hope being strung thin as wire and brittle as bones.

Babies wailing – yearning for love’s lost arms.

Heart pounding, orders drilling, adrenaline pumping.

The sounds unforgettable:

The sound of death when the glass shatters and shrapnel flies.

The sound of pain when his last breath lingers in his lungs.

Silence heavy as lead.

The feelings undeniable:

To know he was someone’s son—

To feel his mother crying, sister weeping, and wife waiting.

To know you are alive, but unsure of how long.  To feel the onset of the unknown.

The questions rising:

Reduced to machines

Fighting for the cause – what cause?

The cause of freedom?  The cause of Democracy?

Or the cause for power, and the cause for control?

You see the deserted buildings surrounded by dry desert sand—

Gutted buildings that once knew life.

The remnants of fallen soldiers—

A mangled limb here, a boot there, another badge, and a letter written in haste—

Scattered among the piles of rubble that sing the song of victory.

The remnants of two worlds collided;

Brought together in butchery,

Unable to differentiate the remains.

We are all human, we are all created.

There is freedom—

It comes after the fatality and devastation.  Unified, truly, by the causes you both pledged your life to.

A Little Creativity is What I Need...

The morning is crisp and cool.  Sitting on my favorite bench, the sun rises and the rays warm my soul.  I sit basking in the glory of the sun, thanking God for the moments I am given.  As I watch the sun slowly rise in the east, I close my eyes and picture each speck of sunlight softly landing on my skin.  The warmth is rushing over me like a wave soaks the sand.

I witness the flowers unfolding and raising their faces to drink in the golden rays.  It is a simple reminder of reliance and sustenance.  The petals are sun bathing and the leaves are warming themselves.  I watch in awe as I begin to realize the beauty of the sustaining power that is held in the sun.

As the rays continue to spill over the landscape, I begin to hear the morning laughter of the birds and the relentless buzzing of the worker bee scouting out the sweet provision of life that is willingly offered by the sunbathing flower.  I begin to realize how all things work together to maintain a pleasant life.  I’m faced with the reality of humanity’s lack of cooperation compared to nature’s collaboration.  I am an observer of a micro-world unaware of the human condition.  It is a system of giving and receiving; a life that goes unnoticed by the self-absorbed human.  I am only an observer; I am not a contributor to the beauty of their interaction.

The temperature rises then begins to fall.  I watch as the sun begins to say her goodbyes.  Her soft kiss caressing the creation she sustains; as if she is saying, “I’ll be back tomorrow, but for now, sleep well, my love.  Do not fear for the dark only lasts a moment.” 

The colors splash across the sky: yellow, then orange, then vibrant red.  The rays are piercing the soul with warmth that reaches the inner depths.  Unable to control myself, I throw my hands above my head and begin to dance, the smile permanent and tears streaming down my cheeks.

As the songbird sings her lullaby and the busy bee is tucked in, the crickets emerge to play a sad song mourning the descent of the sun and the frogs join in the chorus.  They mourn the sun’s goodbye, but lie in wait for her return—constantly waiting and passing time with song. 

The stars begin to twinkle—one, two, three.  The life-star is gone for merely a moment, but her power emanates within me.  I close my eyes and remember her rays dancing upon my face and being wrapped in the love of the sun’s embrace.

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Rain

There's a storm inside of me: like a hurricane with 90mph winds pressing against my heart--the center of emotion.  It's a beautiful struggle.  A lot of it comes from not knowing what's going to happen in the next couple years.

I have been alive for 20 years.  I'm 20 years old.  It sounds like such a long time, doesn't it?  My life has been so beautiful.  I look back on it and I realize just how blessed I was and am.  I have amazing parents who love, encourage, and support me; two sisters whom I love with ever fiber of my being; amazing grandparents who love me more than I understand; friends that make me a better person and love me for who I am; mistakes to learn and grow from; life experiences that have contributed to my personal views; remnants of innocence (that I'm clutching onto for dear life); eyes to see; ears to hear; a mouth to speak; a brain to learn; a mind to contemplate; and a heart to love.  Not to mention that I may have just had the most amazingly perfect childhood.  To think that God gave all of that to me--and he is still blessing me every day!  My life is wonderful.

I honestly cannot wait to see what he does in the future.  It's going to be so good.  There's something happening in me.  There's a change occuring.  I'm being transformed by his love. 

God is so good, right?

Katsup and Mustard

I think this picture perfectly describes my life at this point.

There's an essence of surrender; a feeling of hope exemplified by my arms lifted in front of the vast ocean.

I guess you could say that I'm in a season of my life where I'm learning how to surrender and let go of my past life, my insecurities, my frustration, and my control.  God wants all of me.  I'm throwing up my hands in surrender.  I am immersed in his presence, his love, and his way.  Pure relief.


That's not really the point of this blog.  I wanted to catch up on my 12 months of love.

Since I came back to school, I've neglected the challenge.  These last few months have been more challenging tasks: Seek truth and ignore rude, mean, or awful thoughts toward others, protect the reputation of others, trust the word of those you love and have discernment with others.  I'm not really sure how to do them.

Honestly, I haven't really been trying.  Blah.  I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I miss home.  I love school SO much!  Everything about it.  English Lit is where I'm supposed to be.  There's a peace in where I am, and I like that!  Megan's amazing.  I like her a lot.  We have fun.  I'm so excited to see where God takes me and what he does with my life.

Well, that's the catsup and mustard.  I remember in elementary when teachers would say it's catchup and mustard time.  I hate when people call ketchup catsup.  That's why I named this blog the way I did.

Goooooodbye random.



Picture by Tessa Ratner

A Success Story

Thank you to all who helped, contributed, or came to the Benefit Concert.  God definitely provided and because of your support, we sent $387 to Blood:Water Mission!

If you're interested in getting involved yourself, go ahead and visit: bloodwatermission.com. There are a lot of great resources and information available on that site.

Continue to keep the people of Africa in your minds, hearts, and prayers. They are our neighbors; they are our friends.

You've now become a part of something bigger than yourself. As humans, we have a calling to go beyond this mediocre life of self-indulgence; we must go forth and show love, be examples, and give ourselves (and our resources) to a greater purpose. Although we may never meet these people, they WILL know that: We, the people of St. George, Utah, love and cherish the lives of our brothers and sisters.

Blessings!

Futuristics

"It's probably best we don't know a lot about the future, because if we did, we'd be too consumed on getting there and making the right choices."

This is how I see it, if we could see into the future, we would be so focused on what is going to happen rather than living life one day at a time, making mistakes, and growing.  In "Troy," Achilles says to Perseus, "The gods envy us because we are mortal.  Because every day could be our last, it makes it all the more beautiful."


Basically, everything happens for a reason. We make a choice that takes us one step closer to what is going to happen in the future.  If we knew what was to come, we would take different steps, avoid certain mistakes in order to get to the desired point.  Problem is, the things we do lead to other events, therefore if we knew what was going to happen, we would choose differently, and ultimately risk getting to the exact point we were aiming for.  Thus, knowing the future would be futile because it would change with each "wrong" choice we make.  Our lives are paths laid out with different checkpoints.  If we fail to meet those checkpoints, we fail to learn, grow, and make it to our desired future (of course, we'd have another outcome, but not the one we knew).  Pretty much, it's a big, messy web that's too complicated to even comprehend. 

(This next part is pertaining to reality: not being able to see into the future)  The image that comes to mind when I think about our choices and how they affect our future is a spider's web.  The center is the desired ending point.  With each event, there are multiple choices and options.  No matter what choice you make, it ultimately leads to the center.  Each choice affects the next choice we are presented.  For example, we have to choose what college we want to go to.  There are thousands of different options.  If we choose the state university, we would be presented with different opportunities (such as friends, groups, classes) than we would if we chose Harvard or Yale.  


I love to think about the possibilities in my life; the different opportunities I may be presented with in the long run.  I like to know that no matter what choice I make, it will ultimately lead me to the same place.  Some choices may be harder than others, and some may take you a few steps back, but that's the beauty of being a human.  We have the chance to live and learn!